THE FAIRER SEX

Short Stories on Male Privilege

No. 9

The Cuttlefish Stratagem

'We shouldn't be afraid of the word feminist.

Men and women should use it to describe themselves.'

- Pierre Trudeau

'No, leave it on', said Alma. 'This is really interesting'.

'We'll be late for the demo', said Francis, returning to the sofa.

'In a minute'.

'The cuttlefish', said David Attenborough, 'are gathering to breed. The male approaches a female; he is twice her size. The female draws in her tentacles submissively; then joins the harem beneath him, which he guards jealously. He keeps the smaller, weaker males away by brute force.'

'Typical', tutted Francis, rolling his eyes. 'Toxic masculinity.'

'Shush.'

'But wait', cautioned David Attenborough. 'One of the weaker males has a party trick - he draws in his tentacles, just like a female; his body even counterfeits the marble patterning of the female. Using this devious drag act, he slips underneath the dominant male, to join the harem. The big guy thinks he's admitted another female; but underneath him, the sneaky cross-dresser is having quite a party.'

'Serves him right', said Francis. 'The knucklehead thinks he owns the females. Just like men think they own women.'

'Isn't that fascinating?' said Alma. 'The males are twice the size of the females. Hold up your hand.'

'What for?'

'Just hold your palm like this. Look - my hand is the same size as yours. That's why I can't wear one of your shirts - they're too small for me.'

'The bigger the man, the greater the risk he is to women. That's one of the many reasons why I'm a male feminist. I support women, because of the ever-present risk of male violence.'

'Not from you, you're too small. C'mon, let's go.'

Alma turned the television off.

As the two of them approached the lift its doors opened, to reveal a female student.

'Is it alright if I take the lift with you?' asked Francis.

The student looked puzzled. 'What do you mean?' she asked.

'Only my girlfriend will get in, if it'll make you feel safer. I can wait, or take the stairwell instead.'

'Just get in', said Alma, pushing him into the lift.

They left the student hall of residence, and entered the walkway which took them directly to College House, outside of which there was a demonstration.

The problem was this: a showing of The Red Pill, a documentary about the men's rights movement. The title was taken from the science-fiction film The Matrix. A red pill meant that you learned the truth, unsettling though that was; a blue pill ensured happiness, but at the expense of ignorance.

Radical feminists claimed that men's rights were a hate movement; that the film was misogynistic propaganda; and that, in the interests of inclusivity and tolerance, no-one should be allowed to see it.

Around fifty students, both men and women, were milling around the entrance to College House. They were carefully corralled by security. Some men wore tee-shirts bearing the words 'Male Feminist', or 'This is What a Feminist Looks Like'. Francis had 'Socialist Feminist' on the front of his tee-shirt; and 'Feminist Socialist' on the back. Placards read 'Stop Bigotry - the Future is Female'; 'Men's Rights are Fascist Rights'; Women Have No Voice'; 'You're a feminist or you're a fascist.'

When attendees began entering College House, the screams grew louder.

One of the attendees, a man in a rugby shirt, stopped to talk to the demonstrators.

'Have any of you seen the film?' he asked.

'Rape apologist!' shouted Francis.

The man in the rugby shirt laughed.

'Come on, I'll even pay for you', he said. 'Why not watch it, then make up your own minds.'

'Men are trash!' shouted Francis. 'Smash the patriarchy!'

The man in the rugby shirt again laughed.

'Do you even know what the film's about?'

'The future is female!' shouted Francis.

The man in the rugby shirt again laughed.

'Okay, buddy, if you say so', he said.

'End violence against women!' shouted another male feminist at the back. He had the wherewithal to end it, namely, a milkshake.

'Look out! said the man in the rugby shirt. He grabbed Alma's arm and jerked her aside.

The airborne milkshake struck Francis full on the face.

'That's what they call collateral damage', laughed the man in the rugby shirt, who then entered College House.

When the screening started, the protestors adjourned to the bar in the Students Union.

Several of them with drinks in hand stood near the bar.

'What do you think about friendly fire?' asked one of the radical feminists, looking at Francis. She pointed to his shirt.

'Ah, I'm glad you asked that', replied Francis. 'I was waiting for a cue to speak. As a man, I prefer to remain silent until women have spoken - I don't just chime in. Men believe it's their natural right to talk over women. Men are hard-wired into thinking they're superior. That's why, as a man, I try to take up less space.'

Several looks passed between the assembled women, which Francis noticed. No doubt they appreciated his women-centric viewpoint.

'Guys are such arseholes', he continued. 'I don't like the way they talk about women. I don't generally get into a lift with a woman - I wait my turn. You can't expect women to share the lift with a man. For obvious reasons.'

'You don't pose much of a threat', said a radical feminist. 'You're even shorter than Alma. Look at your biceps. There's hardly any of you here!'

'Even so, men have subjugated women since the beginning of time', said Francis. 'They should atone.'

Several more looks passed between the women.

Presently Alma and another woman got up to visit the lavatory.

When they returned to the bar, they encountered a man in the doorway ahead of them. It was the man in the rugby shirt.

He held the door for the two them.

'Ma'am', he said as Alma passed him, titling his head forward slightly.

Alma looked up into his face. About six-four, she thought. She saw his chiselled jawline and broad shoulders. The rugby shirt, stretched slightly across his chest, revealed his pectorals.

They said thank you, and smiled up at him.

The three of them chatted as they returned to the bar.

'This is Leo', said Alma, introducing him to the others.

'We don't need you here', said Francis, frowning, and looking away from Leo's face.

'The same applies to you', said Leo, laughing. 'We're both trash, remember?'

'The Red Pill is trash. The work of misogynists.'

'Actually, the director of The Red Pill was Cassie Jaye - a human of the female persuasion. When she started out, she thought she was making a documentary about a misogynistic subculture, then changed her mind. Hence the title.'

'She has internalised misogyny', said Francis. 'That's why she's not aware of her mistake. But because she's a woman, she won't have a big audience. That's because men are socialised to value the words of men far more highly than those of women. I know I always get a better hearing than if a woman said the same thing.'

'Oh yeah', said Leo. 'Whenever I hear something that makes sense, I immediately disregard it if a woman said it', said Leo, winking at Alma, who smiled back. 'Don't you think you should lighten up a bit?'

'I'll lighten up when there's no more violence against women', said Francis, pointing to the message on his tee-shirt, partly obscured by a milky residue. 'Men have all the power and privilege.'

'Why do you say men, exactly?' asked Leo.

'What do you mean?'

'Why do you say that men have all the power and privilege? In actual fact, 0.0001% of men have all the power and privilege. It is fallacious to compare 100% of women to 0.0001% of men. Why do you never consider the other end of the spectrum? Homeless people are almost all men. Several times more men than women kill themselves. Ninety-five percent of workplace fatalities are men. Our prison population is overwhelmingly male.'

'That's because men commit the most serious crimes.'

'Men are convicted of indictable offences six times more often; but there are twenty times more of them in jail! That's because men are far more likely to receive a custodial sentence than women for the same crime and under exactly the same circumstances. A smaller racial disparity would be considered outrageous!'

'Well obviously', said Francis. 'Women suffer more from imprisonment than men. A one-year sentence for a woman is therefore equivalent to a five-year sentence for a man. Equality doesn't necessarily mean treating men and women the same way; it can also mean treating them differently. Anyway, women have a lot more to fear from men than the other way around.'

'Oh, why is that?'

'Because men are physically stronger.'

'Oh, I guess that's why men make better police officers, better firefighters and better athletes.'

The women laughed. Alma put her hands over her mouth.

'You fascist!' said Francis.

'Yeah, that's right, mate - if you can't win the argument then shout insults instead. As it happens, the safest place for women is the nuclear family. Feminists should try taking some of those red pills.'

Alma was strangely uncommunicative on the walk back to the hall of residence. She appeared to have something on her mind.

'I think I got the better of that knucklehead', said Francis.

'We need to talk', she said.

*  *  *  *  *

'No, leave it on', said Alma. 'This is really interesting'.

'The match is about to start on the other side', said Leo.

'In a minute'.

Leo returned to the sofa.

'The sea lions, said David Attenborough, 'are gathering to breed. All the sea lions you can see here are females. There's just one male, the big guy over there - he is at least twice the size of any female. The females initiate mating by assuming a submissive posture to the male. The males are territorial, and they guard their harems jealously. The stronger males use brute force to keep weaker males from the females.'

'Typical', tutted Alma, rolling her eyes. 'Toxic masculinity.'

'Shush.'

'But wait', cautioned David Attenborough. 'A weaker male intrudes; he approaches a female at the edge of the territory. He is hoping for an assignation while the dominant male is distracted. But no. The dominant male rushes at the weaker one, barking and rearing up. The weaker male also barks, but effetely. A further roar from the dominant male is enough. The weaker male turns, and sets a land speed record for sea lions.'

'A lot of barking and roaring', said Leo. 'I wonder what the weaker one was saying.'

'Males are trash, probably', said Alma. 'Hey, put up your hand like this. Look - your hands must be twice the size of mine.'

'Are you sure you want to wear my rugby shirt? It's way too big for you.'

'No, it's just the right size', she said, resting her head on his chest.

'Plenty of space to get my hands in and have a good rummage. I've a good mind to find out what's up there'.

He feigned an effort, at which Alma squealed.

'I thought you wanted to watch the match', she said.

'Oh, yeah.'

He grabbed the remote and changed channels.

'Well, if you're watching football, then I'm off to find something better to do with my time.'

She stood up.

'Fetch me a beer first!' he said, slapping her on the buttocks.

Alma laughed, and went to the kitchen. 

Endnotes

·        Douglas Murray: "Don't Trust Male Feminists" (youtube.com)

·        (4635) Cuttlefish Mimics Being Female To Mate | Blue Planet II | BBC Earth - YouTube

(c) Cufwulf

Cufwulf@aol.com