THE FAIRER SEX

Short Stories on Male Privilege

No. 13

Apples and Oranges

'Every woman, every girl, deserves

to get paid what they're worth.'

- Sheryl Sandberg

The evidence was shocking, but indisputable.

It even caused a strike.

Management at Petrotrack, a leading oilfield exploration business, had abided by the new legislation - this was the Pay Fairness Act. An independent firm of accountants was hired, as mandated by the government, and at the expense of Petrotrack, to make this fiendishly complex computation. What they did was this. They added up the total wages paid to female employees, and divided this sum by the number of women on the payroll; they then added up the total wages paid to male employees, and divided this sum by the number of men on the payroll. This proved that, for every dollar a man received, a woman was paid just seventy-six cents. This was the gender pay-gap, pure and simple. Blatant; unfair; unjust.

Petrotrack management appealed to feminists for calm.

It was all over the media.

'Women still cheated', said the Guardian. 'Men are stealing from women', said the BBC.

'We need to get to the bottom of this', said Petrotrack's CEO to Cathy Knowall, in an unbiased, impartial and professionally conducted interview. 'There'll be no sex discrimination at Petrotrack; not on my watch'. 'So what you're saying is', said Cathy Knowall, 'that you think it's okay to steal from women'. 'Well, erm . . . I didn't quite say that, not exactly', said the CEO. 'I believe in gender equality'. 'So what you're saying is', said Cathy Knowall', that you don't believe in gender equality'. 'Well, erm . . . I didn't quite say that, not exactly', said the CEO. 'Women should be paid what they're worth'. 'So what you're saying is', said Cathy Knowall', that women shouldn't be paid what they're worth'.

Marg turned the television off.

Marg and her husband both worked for Petrotrack. Marg was in training and development; Alan was a field-service foreman.

They were sitting at the family dinner table, along with their daughter, Greta, and their son, Sebastian.

'I didn't think you'd get back in time', said Marg to her husband.

'It's mostly sorted now', said Alan. 'It's a new rig that needs commissioning and there's still quite a few bugs in it. I left it with a couple of the younger guys. They're good; they can manage it right enough. They'll pick up the overtime instead of me'.

'That's so good of you, giving up some money so that you can be with your family', said Greta.

Alan glanced at his daughter with a blank expression, then attended again to his meal.

'Well, at least you're living at home now', said Marg.

'The bad news is, I may have to fly out to Malaysia for a month'.

'Oh, no!', said Marg, putting her hand on his shoulder.

'We can't make any plans, as I won't know for certain until a day or two before'.

'That's what's so good about working for HR', said Marg. 'Regular hours. Regular as clockwork. Everything so predictable. No sudden panics'.

'What's happening at Petrotrack?' interrupted Greta. 'They've been caught out stealing from their women employees. They should be hung out to dry for that. That type of thing's been going on since forever'.

'Yeah', said Sebastian. 'They could save a pot of money by employing women instead of men. Strange they don't just do that, isn't it? Not. The truth is this: the so-called pay gap is a statistical artefact.'

'It's clear as day what the reason is', said Greta. 'Misogyny. Businesses would rather have a higher salary bill by employing men. It hurts the business, but they do it anyway. It costs money, but it keeps women out.'

'Gender Studies 101', said Sebastian. 'Why do you have to categorise employees so simplistically as men and women? You should also be thinking in terms of mothers and everyone else. Men respond to fatherhood by pursuing jobs or promotions with higher pay, or by working overtime. Women respond to motherhood by seeking less-demanding jobs, or by working part-time. It's not a pay gap, it's a marriage gap'.

'Mum's still being short-changed. Equal pay!'

'For equal work, yes', said Marg. 'Not equal pay for dissimilar work. Or for dissimilar hours. There are twelve of us in HR, but four of us are now working part time. Do you know how many of our field mechanics and technicians work part time?'

'Tell us'.

'None. It is unknown for those men to do that'.

'Well obviously', said Greta, 'men won't accept an equal share in parenting, cooking and cleaning. They leave it all to their wives, who then lose income by having to work part time'.

'Gender Studies 101 again', laughed Sebastian. 'The pay gap's such a load of tosh.'

'All women should be paid what they're worth'.

'I don’t dispute that', said Sebastian. 'When you graduate as a nursery nurse, you'll get paid what you're worth. And when I graduate as a mechanical engineer, I'll get paid what I'm worth'.

'If employers won’t equalise pay, then there should be laws to make them'.

'You can't be serious! Would you have laws forcing greengrocers to sell apples and oranges at the same price? Who can say whether an apple should be less or more expensive than an orange? Apples and oranges are rightly sold at whatever the market supports. Men and women self-segregate into different occupations; they then end up being remunerated differently. It's not a pay gap, it's a choice gap. Why did you chose to be a nursery nurse? What stopped you from studying mechanical engineering?'

'Ugh!'

'Exactly. I feel the same way about the occupation you've chosen. The research has been done. The more freedom men and women have to choose their occupations, the wider they will self-segregate. We know this from Sweden. The Swedish have tried and tried. They cannot get any more men into nursing, and they cannot get any more women into engineering. What should the state do? Prod people into occupations with bayonets?'

Their father's phone rang.

'Yes?' said Alan. 'Yes. It's the high-voltage circuit. I see. No. Yes. Okay, I'll be with you in about an hour. Get Bill to check the attenuator.'

*   *   *   *

In due course, Petrotrack announced ground-breaking changes to its terms and conditions of employment. The notices read as follows.

After careful consideration the management have decided on several new employment policies, implementation of which will be essential in order to eliminate the 'gender pay-gap'.

1. There will be no changes to existing pay grades or structures.

2. Our mechanical, electrical and other maintenance operations, where men are overrepresented, will henceforth employ fifty per cent women. Women employees in HR, payroll, administration and purchasing will be re-trained, so that they may work outside in all weathers (searing heat, severe frosts and pelting rain), put up with continual callouses, blood blisters, split fingernails and dermatitis, and risk maiming, broken bones or lethal accidents when working with dangerous machinery or high voltages.

3. Human resources, payroll, purchasing and administration, where women are overrepresented, will henceforth employ fifty per cent men. Service mechanics, technicians and other field operatives will be re-trained, so that they may work in a comfortable office, while sitting down with a cup of coffee, where air-conditioning cools them in summer, central heating warms them in winter, and they can chat around the water cooler about how badly they're treated.

4. Full gender equality will apply to part-time work. If a woman wishes to work part-time, then a man must also work part time. If a man wishes to work part time, then a woman must also work part-time. If this condition is not satisfied, then an employee may not work part-time.

5. Employees are sometimes asked at short notice to work long hours, to be 'on call', or to travel overseas. Although these demands are well remunerated, we recognise that men gravitate to work of this nature. However, rather than require women to work this way as well, all such demands will now cease. If any drilling rig or other machinery breaks down at unsociable hours, then it will just be left until someone shows up the next morning. This policy will threaten the viability of the business, but since the gender pay-gap will be eliminated, it is price a worth paying.

Endnotes

·        Jordan Peterson debate on the gender pay gap, campus protests and postmodernism (youtube.com)

(c) Cufwulf

Cufwulf@aol.com