THE FAIRER SEX

Short Stories on Male Privilege

No. 23

Men's Sheds

'Male-only and female-only spaces

have [both] developed as a direct result

of male privilege.'

- Laura Bates

I          Par for the Course

The Minister for Women appeared on BBC Radio 4's Today program.

'This decision by the Aucherlech Golf Club is a big step backwards', said the Minister for Women. 'As the Minister for Women', said the Minister for Women, 'I fight for equality - between women and men, in that order. I propose', continued the Minister for women, 'new legislation that will outlaw all sexism, once and for all.''

'That was Gertrude Toxvic, Minister for Women', said Brian Redhead. 'I should add that we sought out the Minister for Men as well, but discovered that no such post exists.'

The Aucherlech Golf Club, the members of which had recently voted to continue excluding women, now bore the firestorm of feminist ire and indignation. The Aucherlech, following the capitulation of the Ballafreuchie, was now the last male-only golf club in Scotland.

The talk at the Aucherlech had been about little else for an entire month.

Effeteson and Greatcote settled into their leather armchairs.

'How did you vote?' asked Effeteson. 'If you don't mind my asking.'

'Against. You?'

'For.'

They sipped their brandies in silence for a minute.

'There's a lot of confusion about the Equality Act', said Greatcote, finally breaking the silence. 'Single-characteristic associations are entirely legal, provided the said characteristic is one of those specified in the Act as "protected". That includes sex, or, as we would now say rather confusingly, gender. The Aucherlech Golf Club is well within the law. A private club still has the right to make its own membership rules, whatever the outside world might think.'

'But that's just it', said Effeteson. 'The outside world. Doing what the law says, and doing what is moral, are not necessarily the same. Times have changed, and we should change with them.'

'Women can still play golf. Just not here.'

'It's hardly appropriate to discriminate against half the population.'

'Discrimination', said Greatcote, sighing, 'is the most over-used word in the English language. Well, this issue isn't just about discrimination against women - it's also about discrimination against men. Men like to get together with other men now and then, just as women like to get together with other women. It's a fact of life.'

'Murder is a fact of life as well; we don't have to condone it.'

'Male-only spaces like this one are refuges for henpecked husbands. I'm showing my age - I think they say "pussy-whipped" now, don't they.' He laughed loudly, throwing his head back. 'Here, men can speak freely; they don't have to worry about what they say. If we allow women in, male relations will change entirely. There's also one less-obvious aspect - ever since the first tribal societies, men have gone on hunting trips together. Today's male-only groups are the natural descendent; they show the persistence of basic, ancestral urges; male-only groups are the necessary preconditions for male-bonding and friendship. Whacking a golf ball into a hole, is today's equivalent of chucking a spear at a sabre-tooth tiger.'

Another silence ensued. They sipped their brandies.

The silence was again broken by Greatcote.

'Hey, how do you piss off a feminist?'

Effeteson smirked, in spite of himself.

'That's rather a long list', he said. 'I'm spoilt for choice.'

'Indeed. In this context, just show her some men enjoying themselves in a male-only space - she'll try and guilt-trip her way in. Meanwhile, men never complain about women-only spaces. Look at what happened to the Ballafreuchie. Women can now join the Ballafreuchie Golf Club, as well as the Ballafreuchie Ladies Golf Club. Yet men never try and get into the Ballafreuchie Ladies Golf Club, nor do they subject it to legal harassment or public shaming.'

'It's not the same.'

'It never is.'

'What I mean is,', said Effeteson, 'male-only spaces also exclude women from power and influence. Golf clubs are where influential men meet; where business deals are struck; where important decisions are made. Shut women out, and you limit their potential as leaders and influencers; reinforce male domination in politics, business, finance, etc.; and perpetuate gender inequality.'

'There's no shortage of organisations designed to build networks amongst women, the memberships of which are closed to men. They're everywhere. Similar organisations restricted to men are either outlawed, or plagued by legal harassment from feminist groups. I'll tell you what will happen if we allow women in here. Within a few days, we'll have our first accusations of sexism. If you keep women out, then it hurts women. If you let women in, then it hurts women. Welcome to Catch-22, feminist-style.'

II        Shedding Sexism

The Minister for Women appeared on BBC Radio 4's Today program.

'This decision by the Men's Shed Movement is a big step forwards', said the Minister for Women. 'As the Minister for Women', said the Minister for Women, 'I fight for equality - between women and men, in that order. But I still propose', continued the Minister for women, 'new legislation that will outlaw all sexism, once and for all.'

'That was Gertrude Toxvic, Minister for Women', said Brian Redhead. 'We also asked the Minister for Women if there were any plans to appoint a Minister for Men, but she just laughed.'

Ermengarde listened to this broadcast with great satisfaction: the Men's Shed Movement had wisely voted to admit women members! This organisation had, after all, been a source of great concern to feminists. It began fifteen years ago in Australia, then spread quickly, like a misogynistic plague, to many other countries. The misogyny was evident in the name: Men's Sheds. Not People's Sheds, not Men's-and-Women's Sheds, but Men's Sheds. But at least women could now join. Women would join, and then see about that awful sexist name.

The movement recognised the arrangement common to many a domicile, in which a garden shed was the male magisterium; unlike the kitchen, which must never under any circumstances be regarded as the female magisterium. This difference reflected modern-day gender norms, in which husbands must cook and clean, but wives need never fix a lawnmower, wire a plug, clean out the gutters, or paint a fence.

Now, a shed was not so bad, provided only one man was in it. The problem with the Men's Shed Movement was that groups of men, sometimes a dozen or more, gathered together. Worse still, the men were happy and contented with their male-only space. Obviously, feminists were greatly concerned.

What did the men do, in these sheds? It would appear that they 'made things' and 'repaired things'. And stuff. There were lathes. There were milling machines. There were tool boxes. Screwdrivers, wrenches. And stuff. Men tinkered with carburettors; repaired lawnmowers; sharpened tools; wired plugs; made model steam engines. And stuff.

These men claimed that, unlike women, men require a common interest to make friends. They claimed that retired men particularly benefitted from Men's Sheds, because they were no longer able to make friends at work. They claimed that women are different, that women make friends just by talking. But feminists knew better. The only reason men gathered together, was to devise ways to oppress women.

'This is a great step forward', said Ermengarde, referring to the vote.

'But there are women-only spaces', said Alice. 'Women-only golf clubs; women-only business clubs; the girl guides; the Women's Institute. Shouldn't men be allowed their own spaces as well?'

'No', said Ermengarde, shaking her head. 'We'll never get gender equality that way. Women-only spaces and men-only spaces are not equivalent. In fact, they couldn't be more different.'

'Okay, let's look at them separately', said Alice. 'Why must we have women-only spaces?'

'Because of male privilege', said Ermengarde. 'Women need women-only spaces to escape from sexual harassment and sexist behaviour; for these are the ways that men oppress women.'

'Okay. But why must we prohibit male-only spaces?'

'Because of male privilege', said Ermengarde. 'Men mustn't have male-only spaces because they use them to network, to make deals, etc.; and these are the ways that men oppress women.'

'I see', said Alice, looking confused.

'Female-only spaces and male-only spaces have both developed because of male privilege', said Ermengarde. 'This book explains everything - it's a feminist classic.'

Alice looked at the title. Men Ruin Everything.

'That's why we need women-only golf clubs, but must get rid of men-only golf clubs - to ensure gender equality.'

'But even in a mixed golf club', said Alice, 'groups of men can play together without any women present. You can't stop them using that time to make deals.'

'At the moment, yes; but in the coming feminist utopia, gatherings of three or more men would be illegal, unless there's a woman present, or alternatively a microphone that relays their conversation to the feminist authorities. Male-only spaces are insular ecosystems of male privilege. Cauldrons of testosterone. We've made some progress, of course. The Scouts used to be for boys only; now they accept girls. But boys cannot join the Guides. You see? True gender equality. Female-only spaces are progressive; male-only spaces are oppressive. Don't get upset about it - the entire world is designed and constructed by men, for men. It's not much to ask, that women have a few niches here and there for themselves.'

'But look at the space we're sitting in', said Alice. 'A big shed. Who designed it? Who built it? Who maintains it? Men.'

'Perhaps', said Ermengarde, 'but now women have forced their way into it.'

'Don't you mean that feminists have forced their way in?'

'Yes, feminists, working on behalf of all women.'

Alice and Ermengarde sat in silence for a few seconds, looking around them: it was a 'Men's Shed', so-called. But strangely, it was now gender-segregated. The men's area, with the wood-working and metal-working machines, was at one end; the women's area, with the coffee table, haberdashery and children's toys, was at the other. Some of the machines had been removed to make space for the women. The men's area was, of course, open to women as well; but women never ventured there. The women's area was different: if any man approached it, the women turned their 'death stare' on him. Also, the men's noisy machines were now restricted to certain hours, otherwise the women were unable to hear one another.

'Where are the men today?' asked Alice.

'Oh, they don't seem to be coming here so much now', said Ermengarde. 'I hear some of them have taken up angling. I don't understand the attraction of angling for men. They sit together on boats or river banks for hours at a time, hardly ever talking to one another. They never talk about their relationships or feelings, like women do. That's because men are stunted, emotionally repressed creatures, with bigoted opinions about women. Feminists are now infiltrating the angling clubs. I dare say the men will then go off and find something else to do, form other male-only groups, which feminists will in turn infiltrate. Men really hate women, don't they.'

Alice and Ermengarde watched two toddlers, a boy and a girl, playing in front of them. The boy picked up a toy, and began playing with it. The girl, seeing this, took the toy for herself. The boy then picked up a second toy. The girl, seeing this, put down the first toy, and took the second from the boy's hand. The boy then picked up a third toy. The girl, seeing this, put down the second toy and tried to take the third toy from the boy. This time the boy resisted, and the girl struck him. The boy continued to resist, and the girl reigned down several more blows on the boy. The boy cried out, and struck her back. At this, Ermengarde leapt out of her seat.

'Bad boy!' she said. 'Boys must never hit girls!'

III       Gym Creeps

The Minister for Women appeared on BBC Radio 4's Today program.

'This decision by Pec's Gym is a big step backwards', said the Minister for Women. 'As the Minister for Women', said the Minister for Women, 'I fight for equality - between women and men, in that order. I propose', continued the Minister for women, 'new legislation that will outlaw all sexism, once and for all.'

'That was Gertrude Toxvic, Minister for Women', said Brian Redhead. 'We again asked the Minister for Women why there isn't a Minister for Men. She said the following. Not until the pestilence of male privilege has been eradicated. Not until the Sun depletes its hydrogen, and swells into a Red Giant. Not until every last proton in every galaxy has decayed into positrons. Not until the universe has reached full thermodynamic equilibrium. Not until then. And probably, not even then.'

I listened to this interview with mounting vexation, and I'd like to explain why.

I use Pec's Gym on fifth street a couple of times a week, mostly evenings after work. It used to be men-only. Sure, there were regular calls to admit women, the usual public shaming, legal harassment, etc., but the owners stood firm, until last year that is. A whole lot of money was then spent constructing the female changing rooms, after which the membership was mixed. There are in fact already two women-only gyms in town, but, curiously, no one gets worked up about those.

Now the first thing you must understand, is that women who work out in gyms nowadays are not 'dressed' in the usual sense. What they do, is spray-paint their clothes on. They're not all like that, but many are. They could wear baggy clothes just like the men do, you can work out just the same, but instead, the women spray-paint their shorts on. Why they can't wear baggy clothes, is a great mystery. Supervisors, however, are strict on the men. I saw a man take his shirt off once, and straight away, he got shouted at.

The first incident was as follows. I was on the pec machine, doing my twenty reps, minding my own business, when this chick steps into my field of view, with her sprayed-on sports bra, and sprayed-on shorts. She faces away from me, about three feet away, then starts doing RDLs, or Romanian Deadlifts (where you bend right over while keeping your legs straight), shoving her up-turned butt right out. Then, after three reps, she flings the weights down, turns around and accuses me of 'perving' on her. This was the first time I heard the phrase 'gym creep'. That's what she said I was, a gym creep.

All men at the gym have experienced similar incidents; and so I guess we're all gym creeps. We're now so careful about where we look, and what we look at. Legs; buttocks; breasts - they're not there to be looked at, are they. The clothes are like another layer of skin, they hide nothing, but still, somehow, you've got to suppress your male reflex to look. Be ashamed of your male reflex, even. Looking, you see, is sexual harassment. One chick even walked the entire length of the gym, to tell me to concentrate on my work out, not on her.

There's lots of mirrors - if we look away from one woman, we see another in the mirror. One girl accused me of 'eye raping' her, when I was doing my squats, and looking at my form in the mirror, and she was beside me, doing lunges. I keep looking down, or looking away, or looking up. Women don't go to the gym among the men, wearing tiny, skimpy outfits, to be looked at; to be objectified.

But how can women possibly know that men look lustfully? Men watch each other in admiration, or because they're thinking 'I'll try that myself'. Or perhaps they're just lost in their own thoughts.

Cameras on tripods began appearing. I've never seen men film themselves working out, but many women do. You can't keep other gym users out of the field of view. And here's the kicker. Women project their cameras onto themselves, then review the footage, to catch men looking at them from some other angle, or in the distance. They then post these videos on social media, with comments like 'caught another perv', or 'wierdo', or 'oddball'. 'He slipped up!' 'Look at what I caught on my camera, girls - another gym creep!' 'It's disappointing that I can't enjoy a simple work-out without men making me feel uncomfortable.' I know two men who've had marital problems because of these videos, when all they wanted, was to work out, while minding their own business. These chicks cry when glanced at in the gym, yet they put their videos on the internet for the world to see. Some of them even have OnlyFans, in which they reveal rather more than in the gym. So I'm told, anyway.

The other thing to keep in mind, is that gyms are dangerous places, you can get hurt easily, and not just on the machines. I saw this chick about to start on the bench, with the safety bars set way too low. I went over, and straight away she told me to leave her alone, that she had a boyfriend, why couldn't guys let her work out in peace, she wasn't there to be 'picked up', etc. I walked away, saying that, sure, there's harassment going on here, but not the sort you mean. Women have accused me of 'mansplaining', when, in reality, I'm just advising them in the same why I would a man, because guys help each other out all the time. Women, you see, are just as smart, just as clever, just as capable as men. And if you offer advice, you're implying that they're not as smart, not as clever, not as capable as men. I blame this permanently-pissed-off-at-men attitude on feminism.

One time this chick was on her back, on the bench, and she got stuck under the barbell. She wriggled and wriggled, like a turtle on its back. She did get out eventually, but it took her nearly a minute. We watched, but didn't rush in to help her, as she'd already called us gym creeps. If she'd started to suffocate, we'd have had her sign a consent form before helping her.

Some men have been banned. A woman goes to the front desk and complains that a man is acting 'creepy'. He was probably just minding his own business, but gyms don't want the hassle, the bad publicity, the shaming on social media. It's much easier to tell the guy to get lost.

I'm sick of this shit.

This only happens in mixed gyms. There's an easy way out, though: we could start a male-only gym . . . oh, we've been there already. Some men I know have stopped going; they've bought their own kit, and made home gyms for themselves.

Here's the twist. Some women members started a campaign to have two days a week set aside just for women. They said that men are prowling tomcats. They said that women need women-only days, so they can exercise in a safe environment, away from harassment by men. The management said, okay, and set aside Mondays and Thursdays. The men then said, okay, give us a pro rata reduction in the membership fee, since the women get seven days a week, the men only get five days. The management said no, two-tier fees would be illegal; but because men started quitting, the two days got canned. That was when the Minister for Women opened her Big Fat Gob: she claimed that not allowing women-only days in gyms was a big step backwards.

I'll state some other male-only spaces. Bricklaying or carpentry, outside on a construction site in the middle of winter. Installing roofing tiles, high up on a ladder. Going down a sewer, and wading through shit to remove a blockage. Turning out at 2am to mend a leaking gas main, or repair an electrical substation. Mining coal, or numerous other minerals. Laying tarmac, at the height of summer in a pelting heat. Using a suction pump to empty cesspits. Digging ditches or putting in fenceposts, on a remote hillside and a chill wind. These are all male-only spaces, but for some reason feminists don't seem too keen to force their way in. It's all bullshit. This isn't about male privilege, it's about female privilege.

My girlfriend goes to a women-only gym. She says that women dress more modestly in women-only gyms. But I can't vouch for that - I'm not allowed in.

Endnotes

·        Better Bachelor (2020). 'Guys need guy only spaces, but the gals hate that. Why can't we have nice things?'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JS3Y9nruqk

·        Bates, Laura (2016). 'Women-only gyms are a world away from boys' clubs such as Muirfield.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/may/23/women-only-gyms-muirfield-men-male-privilege

·        Pearl (2023). 'Entitled Women RUINED Gym Culture For Everyone'.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vimhwe6yhxE

·        Pearl (2023). 'Gym Girls Get REJECTED By Men At The Gym'.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJdIDvF8G3g

(c) Cufwulf Montagu

Cufwulf@aol.com